Couple sharing a kiss beside an ornate wrought-iron gate

What Is a Matchmaker?

Matchmaking explained by an agency that has been doing it since 1983.

A matchmaker is a person who finds and introduces potential partners on your behalf. Rather than searching for yourself among strangers, you have an in-depth conversation with someone whose profession is understanding what people are actually looking for, and who then selects, meets and vets the individuals they believe genuinely suit you. The practice is far older than online dating, it has never gone away among people who value their privacy, and for a certain kind of person it remains the only sensible way to meet someone. This page explains how it works, what it involves, what it costs and how to tell a good agency from a poor one.

The County Register has arranged introductions for discerning single people across the United Kingdom since 1983. Our founder, Heather Heber Percy, remains personally involved in the agency.

What Does a Matchmaker Actually Do?

The work divides into four parts, and the proportions matter.

They come to understand you. A matchmaker's first task is a long, careful conversation, in person wherever possible. Not a questionnaire and not a form. A good matchmaker will ask about your life, your work, your family, your marriage if you had one, how you spend a Sunday, what you found difficult about previous relationships and what you would not compromise on. Much of what makes two people suit each other is not reducible to criteria, which is why this conversation cannot be automated.

They search, including beyond their own membership. A matchmaker draws first on the members they already represent. Where nobody suitable is available, an experienced agency will look outside it, approaching people directly and discreetly on your behalf. This is called headhunting, and it is one of the clearest differences between a matchmaker and any form of self-service dating: your search is not limited to people who happen to have joined the same service as you.

They meet and verify everyone. At The County Register, every person we recommend has been interviewed and has had their identity verified before their details are shared with anyone, including those we have approached from outside our membership. A matchmaker who has not met the person they are describing to you is not matchmaking; they are forwarding a profile.

They exercise judgement, then keep refining it. The selection itself is a judgement, made by a person who has met both parties. After each introduction your matchmaker will ask you how it went, and what they learn shapes the next selection. Over a membership, this compounding understanding is the whole value of the relationship.

How Matchmaking Works, Step by Step

01

An initial conversation.

A confidential discussion, usually by telephone, to understand your circumstances and establish whether membership is appropriate for you. A reputable agency will tell you honestly if it is not.
02

The profiling interview.

An in-depth consultation with your matchmaker, in person at your home or at one of our offices. Your service does not begin until this has taken place and you have approved how you are described.
03

Selection.

Your matchmaker considers the membership, and searches beyond it where appropriate, choosing people they believe genuinely suit you.
04

Recommendations, one at a time.

Each person is put forward to you individually, never as a list to browse. You decide whether you would like to be introduced.
05

Confirmed introductions.

Where both people agree, contact details are exchanged and you arrange to meet. The agency's discretion continues throughout.
06

Feedback and refinement.

After each meeting your matchmaker gathers your impressions, and the next recommendation reflects them.

Our How It Works page sets out the process in more detail.

Matchmaking, Dating Agencies and Online Dating: The Differences

The three terms are often used interchangeably, and they are not the same thing.

Matchmaking is a personal service. A named individual knows you, selects on your behalf, and answers for their choices. Fees are for a membership term rather than a subscription, and the number of introductions is agreed in advance.

A dating agency is the broader category, and the quality within it varies enormously. Some agencies are matchmakers in the full sense. Others hold a database, filter it and send out details in volume, with no interview and no judgement applied. The question to ask is not what the company calls itself but whether a person will meet you, and whether a person has met everyone they will recommend.

Online dating puts the work back on you. You publish a description of yourself, you are visible to a large number of people, and you do the searching, screening and deciding yourself. It is inexpensive and it suits a great many people. It is unsuitable for those who cannot be publicly visible, who have neither the time nor the inclination to screen strangers, or who would simply rather the search were conducted with care.

At The County Register the service is conducted entirely offline. There is no profile, no listing and nothing searchable about your membership, which is the reason a good number of our members came to us in the first place.

How Matchmaking Fees Work

The question everybody wants answered, and the one most agencies leave until the telephone call. Here is the honest structure, which is more useful than a figure in any case.

Matchmaking is charged as a membership fee, not per introduction. You are engaging a person's time and judgement over a period of months: the interview, the selection, the approaches made on your behalf, the conversations after each meeting. That work is not divisible into units, which is why serious agencies charge for a term rather than for each person you meet.

What a membership involves depends on four things. How many hand-selected introductions are agreed, how long the search runs, the seniority of the matchmaker who takes it, and whether it extends beyond the agency's own membership through headhunting. At the most comprehensive level, the involvement of the agency's founder or principal is usually part of it too.

At The County Register there are four levels of membership, and one bespoke membership composed individually. Bespoke is our most comprehensive, with our founder's involvement where appropriate. Executive suits members whose professional lives are demanding. Portfolio is a considered search on the same principles over a shorter period. Cameo is our entry level. Carte Blanche, our bespoke membership, is composed individually and is the one membership in which the search extends beyond the United Kingdom.

Whichever level you take, the number of introductions and the length of your membership are agreed with you in advance and set out in your Membership Agreement, so you know precisely what you have engaged us to do. Membership is by consultation: we will explain what yours would involve in a private conversation once we understand what you are looking for. Members make a considered commitment to the full service period, with the standard statutory fourteen-day right to cancel at the start.

Read about our membership levels, or speak to us in confidence.

Is Matchmaking Right for You?

It tends to suit people who recognise themselves in most of the following:

You are single and looking for a serious, lasting relationship rather than something casual.
Your visibility matters. You have colleagues, clients, patients, staff or a reputation that makes a public profile inappropriate.
Your time is genuinely short, and screening strangers is not a good use of it.
You would rather meet three people chosen with care than three hundred chosen by nobody.
You are prepared for the search to take time, and would rather it were done properly than quickly.
You are willing to be interviewed in person and to have your identity verified, as everyone we introduce you to has been.

It is not the right service for those seeking casual arrangements, for anyone currently in a relationship, or for anyone who would prefer not to be interviewed. We decline applications on those grounds, which is what allows us to promise the members we accept that everyone they meet has been through the same process.

How to Choose a Matchmaking Agency

Six questions worth asking any agency before you engage them. We would be glad to answer all six about ourselves.

01

Will a person meet me, in person, before the service begins?

If the answer involves only a form or a video call at every level, you are not buying matchmaking.
02

Has your team met everyone you will recommend to me?

Ask whether that includes people approached from outside the existing membership.
03

How is identity verified?

Ask what is checked and at what point.
04

How many introductions will I receive, and over what period?

A clear, contractual number is a sign of a serious agency.
05

Who will my matchmaker be, and how long have they done this?

Ask about the agency's own longevity too. This industry has a high turnover of businesses.
06

What do you not promise?

Any agency guaranteeing you a relationship is telling you something about its judgement. Care, effort and considered introductions can be promised. Outcomes cannot.

Matchmaking at The County Register

We were founded in 1983 and have been arranging introductions continuously for more than forty years, which makes us one of the longest-established matchmaking agencies in the country. Our founder, Heather Heber Percy, remains personally involved in the business, and at Bespoke level is involved in the matchmaking itself. Our matchmaking headquarters is in Warwickshire and we receive members at our London office in Berkeley Square, Mayfair.

Every member is interviewed and identity-verified. Every introduction is hand-selected. Nothing about your membership appears anywhere, and every member receives our Dating Safety Handbook. We make no guarantee of an outcome; we promise care, judgement and the right introductions.

Request a Private Consultation View Membership Levels

Or call 0800 644 4110. All enquiries are treated in the strictest confidence.

Heather Heber Percy, founder of The County Register

Common Questions About Matchmaking

What is the difference between a matchmaker and a dating agency?

A matchmaker is a person who selects introductions for you personally. A dating agency is the wider category of businesses that arrange introductions, some of which employ matchmakers and some of which simply operate a database. The distinction that matters is whether a person interviews you, and whether a person has met everyone they recommend to you.

How are matchmaking fees charged?

As a membership fee covering an agreed number of hand-selected introductions over a set term, rather than a charge for each introduction. What a membership involves depends on how many introductions are agreed, how long the search runs, the seniority of your matchmaker and whether the search extends beyond the agency's own membership. At The County Register, membership is by consultation: we explain what yours would involve, and its fee, in a private conversation, and both the number of introductions and the term are then set out in your Membership Agreement.

How long does matchmaking take?

It varies, and any agency that gives you a confident figure is guessing. A membership runs for a defined period, agreed with you at the outset, which reflects the reality that the right introduction cannot be scheduled. Some members meet someone among their first few introductions; for others it takes considerably longer.

Do matchmakers actually work?

Matchmaking improves the quality of who you meet rather than guaranteeing the outcome. A matchmaker can ensure that everyone you meet is single, serious, interviewed, identity-verified and chosen by someone who understands what you are looking for. Whether you and another person suit each other is not something any service can promise, and we do not.

Is matchmaking confidential?

At a serious agency, entirely. At The County Register nothing about your membership is published or searchable, your details are handled only by our matchmaking team, and every member is bound to confidentiality about their own membership and about anyone they are introduced to.

Do I have to live in London?

No. We introduce members throughout the United Kingdom, from London and the Home Counties to the counties and market towns where a good part of our membership lives. Consultations take place at your home, at our Warwickshire headquarters or at our London office.